After years of medical gaslighting, being told “everything looks fine,” despite your deteriorating health, you finally have a diagnosis – even if it’s self-diagnosed, you have a path forward. You start making changes to your daily life around what this diagnosis requires of you to care for yourself, and hopefully get better. Maybe you start sharing about it with friends, family, or even creating awareness online.
Alternatively, maybe you decide life isn’t worth living. You stop attempting to take care of yourself, isolate, and wait for your illness to run its course. What’s the point in trying if you’re going to be sick your whole life? What kind of meaningful existence could you possibly have if you can’t do all the things you used to enjoy? You’re going to be sick forever, and it is what it is.
Some ableists would argue that these two approaches mean the same thing: that you’ve given up on yourself. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Giving in to your reality and taking the steps to work around your limitations and needs shows strength, hope, and resilience. It opens the door to new connections, communities, and resources.
It’s okay if you sometimes feel like giving up – even highly privileged people struggle in the face of ableism and inadequate healthcare systems. Chronically ill and disabled people have higher rates of mental health issues for a reason, and it’s normal to have days where pushing forward feels pointless. Just don’t let those moments of defeat color your whole mindset. You deserve to heal, and embracing the ups and downs in whatever ways are accessible will help you get there.
Giving in has no one look or method, and can change day to day. Setting the intention of giving in to your needs can help steer your decisions. Maybe today it looks like cancelling your plans and staying in bed all day to avoid burning out. You might decide a “normal” activity, like going out with friends, is worth spending all your spoons – but you plan ahead to do nothing the following day. It never has to mean depriving yourself of joy, and in fact can help you optimize your energy for the things that uplift you.
Sometimes it does also mean accepting hard truths. For example, I used to be a runner, and I miss it so much I dream about it. I regularly grieve the person who could regularly run a 5k. I theoretically could try to go out for a run, and ignore my body’s complaints. I did do this for many years, which always led to injury. Now, I know the consequences, and it’s not worth waking up tomorrow being totally unable to walk for days. Instead, I focus on strengthening my body to increase the possibility that I can run again in the future.
Giving up is like shutting the door. Giving in welcomes endless possibilities. How will you choose to respond to the next challenge life throws your way?
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